Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Be Afraid, Be Very Afraid

Fear has ruled my life more than I care to think about.
Fear of rejection for example has stifled my personality, it has sabotaged potential relationships and stunted my emotional growth. Fear in the form of shyness has a crippling effect on the development of the individual. Shyness is sometimes considered a mental illness.
Fear of failure has made me cautious to the extent that many opportunities have been lost, too many to mention. Of course I've had more than my fair share of failures because failure isn't something you can avoid. I still tread carefully and contemplate failure in any new venture I might consider. And I still smart at the pain of failure.
Fear of financial demise (poverty) has been another factor that coupled with fear of failure has meant many lost opportunities. I grew up poor and now find myself in a poverty trap although my lifestyle doesn't reflect my true situation. The wise tell us that money doesn't bring happiness but then I'm no philosopher, I'm no buddhist monk and material pleasures and what I crave because they bring me pleasure.
I can't stand apart from the society I live in and hold on to values that run counter to the values that associate material wealth with success.
Fear of old age decrepitude. I've always foreseen the possible physical and mental disabilities that come with the onset of old age and dreaded the experience that I might suffer such a condition. So far, other than arthritis troubling me I've still haven't any signs of alzheimers disease. There's also macular degeneration and blindness to fear as well as becoming a cripple from failing hip joints or back problems.
Then there's fear of becoming like my father with all his shortcomings that I've grown to detest...asking stupid questions, failing to understand other people when they speak, hoarding useless objects, developing revolting mannerisms etc.

1 comment:

Lexcen said...

I didn't mention my fear of Islam but the blog stands testament to that.