Memos

Stolen from http://bussorah.blogspot.com/

BUSINESS WISDOM

Here are (allegedly) some of the finalists from a magazine's contest to come up with the funniest or most asinine real-life memos/quotes from the business world

"As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks." (This was the winning entry, from an employee at Microsoft Corporation in Redmond, WA) Wee! Two weeks off!

"What I need is a list of specific unknown problems we will encounter." (Lykes Lines Shipping)

"E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business." (Accounting Mgr., Electric Boat Company)

"This project is so important, we can't let things that are more important interfere with it." (Advertising/Mktg. Mgr., UPS)

"Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule." (R&D Supervisor, Minnesota Mining & Manufacturing/3M Corp.)

"Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say." (Quote from a marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)

"We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees." (AT&T Long Lines Division)

"No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now, go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them." (R&D Supervisor, Minnesota Mining & Manufacturing/3M Corp.)