Friday, December 04, 2009

Dear Elin Nordegren



Dear Elin,

I've heard you've been having some problems lately. Tiger has been a bad boy.

Look, I know I'm not rich, in fact I'm dirt poor but having seen your photo, I'm sure we're soul mates. If only you would meet me I know you would see what I mean.

I'm not as tall as Tiger but then you really don't mind because you want me for my mind and incredible sense of humor.

I don't have as much hair as Tiger but I promise I will always be faithful to you and I know that matters more than hair, wealth, lifestyle...

I'm not as young as Tiger but I'm sure that maturity and stability are what you need in your life right now.

Don't hesitate to give me a call.

18 comments:

FJ said...

After she cashes in the $300m prenup settlement, I'm sure money won't be her problem.

FJ said...

btw - I'd say more, but I lost my train of thought....

Lexcen said...

I'll be waiting for her with open arms, money won't sway me;-)

beamish said...

[insert demeaning comment about roast beef sandwich here]

Jen said...

Why did she bother covering up her left breast?

beamish said...

Maybe she was cold.

FJ said...

...at least I'm not the only one walking around with embarrassing dingleberries...

Lexcen said...

"Dingleberries"? I'm sure there's another word for what we're talking about and I could discuss this at length (pun intended). In fact I've read about a growing trend in cosmetic surgery for women to their vagina restructured to be more aesthetically pleasing. And this leads to the thought of who exactly they want to show their vagina to? Or do some women spend an extraordinary amount of time with mirror in hand contemplating their bodily imperfections? Thinking that money spent wisely at the plastic surgeon is the secret to true happiness? Truly an awesome subject.

FJ said...

Nope, I think that klingon's a dingleberry...

FJ said...

...actually, more of a muffleberry.

FJ said...

It's one of the drawbacks of going commando.

Jen said...

wow.....


I'm loving my granny panties right now.

Bwahahahaaaaa!

beamish said...

It's what's on the inside that counts.

nanc said...

Is that a hangly-dangly? So much for leaving something - anything to the imagination...

FJ said...

The last time I saw dingleballs like that one, I was riding in a low-rider '64 Chevy Impala...

FJ said...

They sure don't make 'em like they used to.

Lexcen said...

Makes me think of the 60s Cadillac with fins.

beamish said...

[keeping crass jokes about drawstring bags to myself]

Labels