Profiling of a criminal

This morning I read in the news that the police are protecting me while I sleep from barmaids who crush cans between their breasts and hang spoons off their tits.
Sorry no pix available for this one.

Further, I read about scientific research and short men that shows that short- arses like me are statistically more likely to be pedophiles than taller men. What's scary is the fact that short men who are also left handed (me) and have suffered head injuries (me) are statistically more likely to be pedophiles. Maybe I should just walk into the police station and give myself up because I'm short and left handed.
While I'm on the subject, do short men suffer road rage more than tall men?
Do short men have smaller feet than taller men?
Are short men more likely to be bald than tall men?
What pisses me off is that nobody would dare to conduct similar research for example on the average intelligence (IQ) of blond women. That would be sexist. Or maybe the average IQ of a particular race or people. That would be racist.